Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
