dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have demons in me.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
