I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
