Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
