ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
