...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
