the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
