bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
