A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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