Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
