If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
