She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
