Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
