I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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