oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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