This girl is more easily done than said...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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