i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
