If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
