My underwear smells like fireworks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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