I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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