soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
