just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
