The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
