dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
