Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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