Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
