He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
