I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
