In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
