I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
