also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
