So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You're like the curious george of whores
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
