...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
