Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
