Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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