You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
