He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
