It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
