it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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