If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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