I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
