Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
