My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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