I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
