I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Randomize
