fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
