She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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