Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
