He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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