We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
