It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
