I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
